Thursday, January 22, 2009

Quarter Life Crisis

The Quarter-Life Crisis
by unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

We didn't want to really get into too much personal stuff on the blog, but I am in crisis mode. Lately, I have spent a lot of time evaluating the decisions I have made in the last year and a half since graduating college, and I can't say that I am too thrilled with them. The day after graduation, I packed up the Jetta and drove down to LA, where I grew up, but didn't currently have a home, since my parents had moved to NY. I had no plan, I just knew I wanted to be in LA, because I missed it. I didn't think about that most of my high schools friends would be staying where they were, or moving somewhere else for jobs, or that I would miss all my friends in San Francisco. I quickly fell into a rut. Going to my same church, stores, etc as I did in high school. Not really branching out. I purchased a condo in the far far far end of the SF Valley(technically Ventura, but whatever) since it was safe, and affordable, not really thinking about that all my neighbors are families with kids, and there are no young people around. at all. within a 15 mile radius. I go to work, and though I work in a "trendy profession"-Public Relations- I am the youngest person in my small office of 3-by ten years. There is no one to go to happy hour with, or to have office gossip with, or even talk to( no joke, in the last three days, the only thing my boss has said to me was "Is LOST on tonight?") The kicker in all this? I had an amazing offer for a job in NYC after graduation..branding for a major cosmetics company, who had offices overlooking central park in the Time Warner Building( Devil Wears Prada building) Who turns that down?

Anyways, sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it out. And figure out what exactly I am going to do about all this.


  1. wow i really like that. It pin points exactly what i feel sometimes.

    Im sorry your in a rut. sometime i just have to ride it out. try to go new places or do thing that will make you happy even if it takes a little more effort. but if you're not happy there. change. lifes too short to live in unhappy.

  2. This post made me cry. I can especially relate with the broken heart paragraph. There's nothing worse than going through a tough phase in your life..all by yourself.

    I'm sending you some cyber lovin'. xo

  3. Growing up is so tough! Good luck, everything will fall into place as it should in time. It is the waiting and wondering that's the hard part.

  4. awwww - i'm sorry you're down and know exactly how you feel. i go through these ruts as well and went through a pretty intense one a few months ago (blogged about it a bit) and reading some books (i can look 'em up if you're interested) really helped me to realize i'm not alone and that quarter life crises are valid.

    things will work out. give it time. take the time to acknoweldge your feelings (which you seem to be doing) and to think things through.

    i work in entertainment pr (i got laid off in nov though...) but am freelancing a bit. if i owned my own pr firm i'd hire you! (but i'm in toronto) we're in the same age range and could gossip and go out for drinks!


  5. I hate to hear this..But it is a new year. Just think about what would make you happy, and start writing down how you can get there. Even if it means moving away. Dont look back and reach for your hearts desires. It will all turn out fine. You will be posting one day about how the storm is over, and how bright the rainbow glows. Promise!

  6. you are very, very, welcome. i meant every word! the book is called: "conquering your quarterlife crisis: advise from twentysomethings who have been there and survived" by alexandra robbins - i think you can probably check it out first on amazon and see a couple of pages.

  7. I meant to tell you my couch is from Nate Burkus from HSN. Its in my office. The pewter one.

  8. I feel for you sweetie. I felt the same way the first couple of years I was out of college. Try making some new friends (I joined a book club), or take a class for fun (photography, pottery, etc). If you're really unhappy with the job you're in, defenitely start looking to see what's out there. I've had my share of bad jobs, and life is far too short for the wrong job. Best of luck! Things will get better :)

  9. Hi, I am just an anonymous reader of your blog and I want you to know I feel the same way.
    I am 25 and I feel in a rut. Although I am married and I love my job, I have been longing for change and almost wish I could "start over" on some things. I miss old friends who I should have kept in touch with, and I'm realizing that current friends may not be all they are cracked out to be. The last year and a half I have felt I have been more of a negative person, judging more, more critical and less happy inside with ME. I want to let you know one thing: Keep looking ahead! Don't dwell too much on the past. Yes it's good to analyze and make some changes, but don't let it get you too down that you begin to lose YOU. I know I don't know you but your post really hit home with me and I just wanted to encourage you. Hope you check out my blog sometime.

    -A Canadian chic who is in the same boat

  10. good that you got that out and the quarter life crisis totally sums up what I'm going thru too! aagghh!


  11. Oh hun I feel your pain. I left University with a great degree and ready to take on the world.

    I moved nearer london though my folks lived 3 hours away and tried to get a job, build a life for myself and learn who I was.

    I have nothing to show for it!

    I lost my first great job in two years and needed to make rent so took on another one in an office alone with all older men next door. ate lunch alone everyday. Got depressed and ended up in hospital twice for two operations.

    I had two relationships during this time, the first proposed and i left because I knew he was trying to trap me. The second I left because when I was in this crisis mode he only made it worse.

    But you are right - god knows how many other people are going though it. A quarter life crisis is hard and we feel guilty because we are young and feel we should know, do, or be better.

    keep your chin up hun.Now i moved back home, am single and am taking my time to rebuild a career, my health, and my happiness.

    I hope you find the guidance you are looking for, and remember blogs are such a great way to vent and find out others are in the same boat.

    best of luck!! xxxx

  12. I know exactly how you feel. I really do believe that life takes you in the direction you are supposed to be going, even if you do not like where you are at the present moment. I was through a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE job for a while and I was so miserable that it made me really evaluate what I wanted to do.

    Now a few years (and several steps)later I own my own decorating business but I still think my life and career path will continue to change and evolve and that scares me too. Your 20's are rough and great at the same time.

    Don't worry, things will get better if you just continue to soul search.

    Good luck and keep us posted!

  13. the good news is that you aren't spilling these guts as a 38 yr old or something (not saying anything bad about 38 yr olds) but you still have PLENTY of time to turn it around. don't let that condo purchase determine your future. you can still make nyc happen and hell, you have family in the state, so that makes it even easier! don't throw in the towel.

  14. The Quarterlife crisis thing is just so true. I'm sorry you're in a rut right now but just keep thinking of a way out. It also looks as if you've already tapped into the real issues: not having a great social outlet/ a fun group to go out with & a job you love. These things are so important, especially at our age. Being able to do a happy hour last- minute or have a girls night out or having fun work lunches is so key to living this time of your life up. You gotta do it while you can.

    Think of how you can get there: Is it a new job you need? Do you need to try out NYC? Could you get some roommates? Join one of those kind of 20-somethings activities clubs where they do like happy hours & rafting trips & ski trips & all that? It just sounds to me like you need a new fun group of people to get excited about & do fun things with.

    I hope you feel better & keep us posted, ok?

  15. can you reconsider the NYC job? It would make you happier. ..and rent your place out here.

  16. for the first 6 years after I graduated from college I moved 9 times. I changed jobs, I did internships, I saved up money so I could volunteer for 6 months in Nepal etc. I only ever regretted staying in a situation where I was not happy for too long, even when I just ended up in another situation where I was not happy. I learned so much about myself, what I wanted and the kind of people I wanted to be around.

    I am certainly not recommending you do that because it was crazy and drove my family and friends crazy, but I think it's important to remember that it's ok to make mistakes. If you change jobs and hate the new one, that's ok. lesson learned and you can change again.

  17. i understand what you're going through. i recently quit my job at the worst possible time and am struggling to find something new and exciting that will keep me inspired. i also missed out on some pretty awesome opportunities that i still look back on with regret. but hang in there. there are plenty people in your position, and you'll find yourself in a new place before you know it.

  18. Hey lady!
    I am SO flattered you read my whole blog (wow! I should add "embarrassed" to my list of emotions, because I'm sure I have had some pretty lame posts in the last year!:) and am finding myself equally in love with yours!! This post especially spoke to me, because I'm currently going through the exact same thing. Most of my friends are younger and can't understand why I have no interest in being wasted 24/7, I'm single and completely terrified that my company is not going to last through this crap economy! BUT, the good news is that this is (apparently) totally normal, and I think the fact that we CARE about our futures means that we will take active steps in making sure they're great :) So I say go for it!! What do you have to lose at this age?! Move across the country and find a job that blows you away! Moving to New York was the best thing I have ever done for my career and my life in general, so I say go for it :) You can always move back if you don't like it...!

  19. I think it is safe to say we all feel you. We just have to believe that it will all work out.

  20. This was such a great post. We ALL have those moments. I'm almost 4 years out of college (o.m.g) and I still feel like that person from 2008. I'm not sure what's happened between now and then! I think I had my first quarter life crisis right after college graduation :)


...thanks for the comments sweetness!