Monday, May 9, 2011

How to Move On

Say goodbye. Squeeze his hand, drink champagne. Make love. Kiss his face. Cry, hug, drive away, blind with sadness.

Shower, wash his smell, his mouth, his hands, away.

Take down pictures, hang new ones. Girlfriends, family. Permanence. The dog.

Hide everything. The pretty boxes gifts came in. Little notes he left. Throw away photo albums, concert tickets, movie stubs, wine corks.

Cry. Drink.

Clean, bathtubs, bookshelves. Scrub out memories of beach vacations, Christmas, birthdays. Laughter. Push it away. Put it in drawers, sweaters to be eaten by moths.

Run. Suck in cold air. Count the months til summer.

Make mental notes. Erase them.

Meet friends for drinks. Survey the room, feel dismayed.

Tell the story, over and over. Hear yourself sound nonchalant. Feel like a fraud. Feel like you’re in a hundred pieces.

Miss him. Fuck someone else. Don’t stay the night. Feel hollow, like you could float away.

Do not call. Delete his number. Smile, smile smile.

Change the radio station when that song comes on. Avoid certain restaurants and bars and grocery stores. Every man coming around every corner could be him.

Call your mother. Call a friend. Hear the exhaustion in their voices.

Buy a new dress. Laugh at everyone’s jokes. Drink and drink. Be the life of the party. Comment on ‘the single life.’

Take a vacation. Kiss someone who tastes like margaritas. Get your sea legs.

Take a bath. Sleep naked. Sleep in the middle.

Make hot tea, take a walk. Buy a camera, take pictures of trees, your feet.
Drink wine.
Paint your bedroom. Pet the dog. Take a nap, wear a summer dress.
Take a date, eat sushi, talk about your brothers and sisters. Read a book, sleep in, window shop, buy new shoes. Make a scrapbook, make spaghetti. Feel better. Feel something. Feel OK.
found here

I wasn't going to post anything about this, but honestly, this is my blog, and I need to have an outlet. I also was going to turn off the comments bc I didn't really want all of the "you'll meet someone you're amazing" comments, because honestly I know I will, I just thought I had, but thats not how I roll here. Comment away if you like. Stop reading if it has become too personal for you. I respect your decision. I know you come here for sweet things about puppies and Prada and all things lovely.

I had met someone, and against all things I had ever previously believed about meeting guys in bar, long distance, dating someone you have nothing in common with, I opened my heart. and it didn't work out. there wasn't a big bad ending, or tears, it is just timing. Last month I told him how I felt, and what I needed-something I don't ever do-and it took him a month but he told me he can't give it to me right now. And he felt terrible. and wishes he could. and so we both walked away, saying that next time I'm in san fran or he is here visiting his family, well get together. Right now I don't know if I can do that, but maybe I can. Maybe by the time football season rolls around, I will smile when I see a clip about the Green Bay Packers, or walk around North Beach and not want to walk up to his apartment.

I fell hard, and fast, and I think I've told everyone I'm honestly ok enough to maybe almost believe it. I slept on my couch Saturday night. One because George isn't allowed to sleep in my bed and I'm not introducing new habits; and two because we were supposed to sleep in my bed on Saturday, and I just didn't want to be in there alone.

I plan to work out like crazy. Lose those last 5 lbs i've been trying to lose all year but haven't. Study my ass off for the GMAT. Go up to San Fran in July for Sara's birthday and not be sad about being there without him. Take all the crap music of his off my ipod, blast Britney at the loudest interval, and maybe take a dance or yoga class. Not play Adele at work so I don't bust out crying in my cubicle. Go on a vacation-by myself. I have a free trip to Hawaii for a few days, and I think I may just go. alone. and tan and write and read and eat and have my own Forgetting Sarah Marshall without the jumping off rocks. Not think about all the money I've spent on flights/blowouts/bart/new outfits that combined would have purchased me that Valentino bag I have been lusting after. Be happy this experience made me realize my strict Catholic parents aren't nearly as strict and judgy as I thought-and thankful my father is really the smartest man around and I can talk to about (almost) anything. Blame it on the bottle of wine I've consumed as I write this, but as I spell check and proof this post, tears streaming down my face, I know I'll be ok. But I will say proudly that I accidentally left my sunglasses in the car, and there wasn't tear in my eye as it all happened. And I didn't even turn around to look back at him as I walked away. I was kind of bad ass, until I got to the car and then let it all out.

I will be guest posting tomorrow, and then come Wednesday I'll be back to normal around here. Upbeat fun posts about shoes and bags and interiors and weddings and fun pictures of George and quotes.Thanks for understanding. And if for some reason today is the first day you've found this little blog, sorry about that.


  1. Sending you tons and tons of love. I adore your blog and I think it's sad you are going through this. Would it make you feel better to know that other girls are going through this now (or recently have, like myself), and reading your post I could totally relate. It will be difficult, but it will make you stronger. Thanks for posting that. Keep drinking some wine, it's a lifesaver, and so are friends. Cry as much as you want, and indulge.

    Love xx

  2. Ohh girl.....I feel your pain. I just got out of 3.5 year relationship and lets just be thankful there is WINE. I can literally say that I had nights where I bawled my eyes out in a manic cry session type of way. But, for every cry session and self pity moment I had I made sure I surrounded myself around positive friends and family that made me laugh. I hated how everyone always said your better without him, you'll be fine, there are plenty of fish in the sea and he is not worth your tears. PLEASE.......cry, grieve, scream, get crazy I swear it helps to just be completely raw with your emotions. Its the only way to heal and move on. Just remember all your questions about why it didn't work or why it was wrong timing will probably never be answered, but that it was fate and better things will come your way. Its YOU time now, so enjoy! Exercise, get skinny, laugh, go out with friends, do YOU things, and enjoy all the small things in LIFE. xoxo

  3. These awful breakups really do hurt, but I promise you the hurt will slowly go away each day after until you are a better stronger you.

    Good for you for being strong in the moment... that is something I am not brave or BA enough to do. That one last stick-it-to-him walk away momen is so powerful and you did it! You are strong than you think, girl.

    More than anything, just know that you aren't alone in this. It's okay to cry and it's okay to talk about it. Girlfriends, wine, puppy kisses. Surround yourself with all of those lovely things that make you smile and the happiness will return.

    Love your blog so much, and I love this beautiful/honest post. You are wonderful, raw, and inspirational. Don't change you for anything :)


  4. There's so beautiful in honesty. Thanks for sharing.

    "In the midst of my grief, a wise person told me, “you are only visiting this place.” Sometimes life has us feeling like we are stuck in a bad place forever. In my book I talk a lot about not just my bad place, but how I got out—sometimes I was gently carried by those who loved me, sometimes I was dragged by my collar, and other times I clawed my way out myself. I came to realize that no matter how dark life got, I did not have to stay there forever. Now when I have a hard day, I remind myself that it’s a visit, not a permanent residence."

    -Natalie Taylor, widower

  5. love you. this all sucks so much. i hate that you have these feelings because i love you too much and never want you to feel like this. it won't help for me to tell you it will pass and you'll find something better and it's his loss because i know you need to heal and have whatever feelings you need to...good or bad. i've had things end due to timing and it sucks even more than someone screwing you over because it's can't hate him because he was's a great thing that just doesn't work right now.

    you're amazing, and deserve nothing but the best. if you haven't found it yet it's because it isn't the best.

    call me if you need someone to drink wine with and commiserate.

    love you!

  6. I think the personal touch makes your blog so much more real and sympathetic, so don't be afraid to be who you really are on here. Stay brave! Love you and your blog!

  7. you are even more beautiful than you were a day before. got it??? x

  8. love how honest you are! Your writing is so great, and we don't get to see too much of that so thank you so much for sharing. I am right around the corner from you at work for lunch anytime:)

  9. amazing post! you've expressed how ladies' feel during breakups so perfectly.

    just be the strong beautiful woman you are everyday. that's all any of us can do.

    don't hold back and live your life OUT LOUD!

  10. big hugs and love to you ♥

  11. Oh Sweet D ~ Funny true story. That breakup advice helped me a lot. I am glad you opened up and sorry that this is so tough. You sound like you are already doing an amazing job coping and I just gotta say that I have a kick ass music mix that I need to send over your way.

    I think you are incredible and I am sorry you have to go through this now. Just know that you aren't alone and being open and honest is the best way to go at it. Stay strong gorgeous!

    Sending hugs, bacon and drinks if you want to grab them, your way!


  12. thank you for sharing, and thank you for keeping it real. i often find that the blogs i go to the most are the ones where people share more of themselves than just pretty pictures and prada :) even as an "old married lady", i (not so foundly) can remember those days when i felt the way you're feeling now! i hope that as with me, someday you might hear a song on your ipod or the radio that reminds you of him and, instead of crying, you'll roll your eyes and smile and sigh...sending you a virtual hug and good love vibes for the future!

  13. sister, you blast that britney. blast it real good. sending good energy your way. Go Giants :) xoxo

  14. baby girl.
    oh have i been there. way too many times than i'd like to remember. there's nothing like the pain of a broken heart.
    cry, scream, drink, eat!! do it all. you deserve it.
    throw yourself have an adequate solid pity party. a grand one!!! just like you'd throw the most fabulous new year's party or 4th of july party!! go all out my darling. rent the movies, buy the champagne and ben & jerry's.
    send the funk out in style!!
    you may need a couple of parties. you're a modern girl right? who are you to turn down an invitation to a party?
    love to you sweetness!

  15. all i have to say is, at least you were brave. it will be a life victory if i can ever open myself up to express what i need, want, feel, etc. You are so brave, i want to be that brave. cheers, doll :)

  16. I love your outlook on it. The second you said a solo trip to Hawaii I immediately thought of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. The best remedy for heartbreak is some serious self pampering! Blast that Brit Brit girl!!

  17. oh girlie. lots and lots and lots and lots of hugs. trust me. i know how you feel. you're much stronger than me though. i wish i had the courage to write about it on my blog. my friends would probably have appreciated the break from having to listen to me rant and cry to them.

    stay completely busy as possible. seriously have plans every single night. even if its to reorganize your closet.

    you will be ok. it will take time. but you will be fine. and you will wish time would hurry up. but you'll be a better stronger person because of it.

  18. break ups just suck!! sorry you are going through this...

  19. Sorry that you're going through all of this, but remember we're all here for you!! :)

  20. Thanks for the post Danielle
    I just ended a 17 year relationship, it ended badly, he was a brute at the end, and I still miss him,but I'm glad it's done in so many ways. So thanks for sharing, it was very helpful.

  21. You should never be apologetic for sharing this--look at all the girls who have experienced it before you! We've all been there, or will be there, and the pain initially can seem absolutely unbearable and endless, but it sounds like you are handling this exactly right. Stay true to yourself and your feelings, focus on building back your life without him in it, and know you have a world of support backing you. Time will heal this and soon it will seem like a blip on your radar. You were absolutely right in telling him what you needed, and now you can move on and find the person who will give it to you. Willingly and happily. :)

  22. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this but as cliche as it sounds you really will be ok! My 3 year relationship ended 6 months ago terribly and I really thought my life was over, but with good friends and family and allowing myself to heal I feel better than ever! Accept the support you're being given and be proud of yourself that you did what was best for you. Keep your chin up.

  23. oh jeez, how did i miss this post? im sorry sweet girl, break ups really hurt the heart. but ya know what, at least its spring and summer time ahead and not any lovers romance time, ya know? its all about social events and fun parties and things to keep you busy as a bee! AKA, the best time to be single! head up, beautiful girl.

  24. been there. it sucks. thinking of you. and thankful for your honesty.

  25. I am so sorry for your loss. I do believe that the end of a relationship/change to a relationship is a loss of sorts. My boyfriend (and best friend) and I broke up in August. I think it ruined my blog.
    I also sleep on the couch every night. I can't stand my large bed. I also have done things now I never would have done while with him. I had friends visit and went to Omaha, NE to visit my awesome cousins for New Years. I've flirted with other men. I've hated getting hit on by other men.
    I learned, through him, that I want a partner that has an abundance of compassion.

    I hope that, when there are good moments when you do laugh and smile, that those moments start getting closer together and multiplying. And I do hope that as those moments occur more frequently. As they happen, you'll start to think on moments that you shared with him with fondness.

    And keep your blog up if it makes you happy.

  26. 'And if for some reason today is the first day you've found this little blog, sorry about that.'

    today was the first day i came across the blog (im decorating my first ever apartment, yay!), and this was one of the first posts i read. and dont be sorry, because, while shoes and bags and interiors and weddings are nice, this one post more than any other has shown me the real person behind behind the blog, and that means more to me than all the pretty pictures in the world. you are REAL. and honest. and this post is amazing.

  27. thank you for being so honest and open about your feelings. I know that it took a lot of guts to post this. I'm so sorry girlfriend that you're down right now, but you're an amazing person with tons of awesome qualities and you have killer style. let's definitely hang out soon so that i can be sharing that bottle of wine with you while we shop and gossip!! Just remember that although it's such a difficult time (and i totally get why adele, although such a great cd is so hard to listen too, goodness that cd is sad) know that you have so many opportunities and to take this time to try new things and grow and take risks and be brave. there is nothing holding you back but yourself, there's nothing tying you down you are free to do and be whatever you please without any reason or apology.

  28. this was the first time i came across your blog, and this particlar post is the reason why i will continue to visit your page everyday.
    Experienced the same sadness and heart hurt last week. It was so comforting to know i'm not the only one feeling the same things, right down to Adele, and the smells.
    Best advice i can give is to clean, re-arrange, wash sheets, paint a wall, research that list of books you've always wanted to read and make to-do lists on how you can relax on weekends
    lots of love from Sydney,Australia


...thanks for the comments sweetness!